Playing With Telemarketers

  • I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang.
  • ME: Hello.
  • AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T.
  • ME: Is this AT&T.
  • AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
  • ME: This is AT&T.
  • AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
  • ME: Is this AT&T.?
  • AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron, please?
  • ME: May I ask who is calling?
  • AT&T: This is AT&T.
  • ME: OK, hold on.
  • At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
  • ME: Hello?
  • AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
  • ME: May I ask who is calling, please?
  • AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
  • ME: This is AT&T?
  • AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
  • ME: The phone company.
  • AT&T: Yes, sir.
  • ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.
  • AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.
  • ME: I already have a phone.
  • AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
  • ME: Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?
  • AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
  • ME: 7 days a week.?
  • AT&T: That's right.
  • ME: 365 days a year.?
  • AT&T: Yes, sir.
  • ME: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
  • AT&T: We think so!
  • ME: That's quite a sum of money!
  • AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
  • ME: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
  • AT&T: Excuse me?
  • ME: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
  • AT&T: What are you talking about?
  • ME: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
  • AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
  • ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.
  • AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for
  • ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?
  • AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
  • ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
  • AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.
  • At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.
  • SUPERVISOR: Mr. Byron?
  • ME: Yeah.
  • SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
  • ME: Is This A T &T?
  • SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.
  • ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be Careful not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
  • SUPERVISOR: Ok, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
  • ME: Thank you.
  • I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.
  • AT&T: Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan.?
  • ME: No, but I was wondering - do you have that "Friends and Family" thing because I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
  • AT&T: *click

85,854 notes

  1. mycaterpies-back reblogged this from nerdydad42
  2. nerdydad42 reblogged this from 8bitdolly
  3. 8bitdolly reblogged this from littlesubmissivegirl
  4. littlesubmissivegirl reblogged this from his-petite-girl
  5. castielsassbuttwings reblogged this from peekacas
  6. lovingdaddybear reblogged this from his-petite-girl
  7. agentnef reblogged this from his-petite-girl
  8. his-petite-girl reblogged this from missphoenix-mysecretlife
  9. peekacas reblogged this from i-might-be-misha
  10. aeriiz reblogged this from immortal-sense
  11. andrewwwtom reblogged this from andrewwwtom
  12. yellowfellowtran reblogged this from lovedianaross
  13. ladyammy reblogged this from completegeekery
  14. completegeekery reblogged this from babypyramidhead
  15. babypyramidhead reblogged this from missphoenix-mysecretlife
  16. missphoenix-mysecretlife reblogged this from missphoenix-mysecretlife
  17. supersayain-nyancat reblogged this from magmarr
  18. jbzmyname reblogged this from lauras-thoughtss
  19. lauras-thoughtss reblogged this from nayelymartinezz
  20. charcoalvision reblogged this from magmarr
  21. magmarr reblogged this from 3nicole3
  22. amarie805 reblogged this from anti-theists
  23. kirausagi reblogged this from mindlessrampage
  24. completelyclueless reblogged this from superpits
  25. humblechampion reblogged this from comeinyoumay
  26. mathewray reblogged this from mathewray
  27. opiate-utopia reblogged this from anti-theists
  28. happinessinlaughery reblogged this from mrelisha26